I had to do was read all the Christian parenting books and follow all the directions. Somehow, in my mind, the underlying concept was much like following a recipe: three parts love, one part limits, and let it bake for 18 years. Unfortunately, my oldest child quickly showed me that it doesn’t work that way. The problem is that raising kids is a lot more complicated than baking a pie. For one thing, apple pie doesn’t have a will of its own. I’m about to share with you three keys to raising faithful kids, but keep in mind as you read that the kids have a say in all of this too. We can do everything possible to help our kids love Jesus, but because we can’t make anyone do anything, there’s no guarantee they’ll follow through. While understanding this sobering reality is a necessary prerequisite, the keys outlined here are based upon the most powerful force in the universe—God’s grace. Grace is, and always will be, the heart of all spiritual development. certainly not all) of our struggles are self-inflicted. Broadly speaking, it isn’t that the source of our hurts isn’t genuine but rather that we don’t know where to go to find healing. This keeps us hurting instead of healing and negatively impacts our faith. Yet what we need is to know where to find the loving-kindness that can fill up our grace tanks, heal our hurts, and restore our faith. Believe it or not, finding grace is a skill, and it’s a skill we need to teach our children. Direct grace is found in our relationship with God through engagement in quiet time, worship, and prayer. Indirect grace is found in our relationship with God’s people through availing ourselves of church, small groups, and fellowship. While we can’t make anyone give us loving-kindness, we can know how to put ourselves in the position to receive it. We can teach this to our children too! Whenever we educate our children about spiritual disciplines or show them how to build healthy friendships, we’re really showing them where to find the grace they’ll need to make it through this difficult proposition called life. And in the process we’re helping them learn to limit the unnecessary dark times that can be so detrimental to their faith. Key 1: Teach Them How to Find Grace for Their Grace Tanks When I came in the door, I was worn out. It had been a long day at work, and I didn’t feel as though I had much left to give. But I noticed that my oldest son wasn’t quite himself. To put it mildly, he seemed needy. After a series of stock inquiries, I still couldn’t identify what was going on in him. What was clear was that his grace tank was low and that he needed some attention. For the rest of the night I set aside my own tiredness and gave him the attention he was so desperately seeking. He drank it in. God has created every human being to run on the power of grace, and we store that grace in our grace tank. If this idea seems new to you, think of it like this. Our traditional definition of grace is unmerited favor, which means that we get something we don’t deserve. Yet an equivalent definition is loving-kindness. Consider this for a moment, and you’ll see that they’re the same. When someone is loving and kind, they’re doing something for someone else that isn’t necessarily deserved. Love and kindness can’t be earned. Although all grace is ultimately from God, God has designed a world in which we can receive loving-kindness either directly from him or indirectly from other people. In other words, God and others fill us up with love; they fill up our grace tanks. A full grace tank equates to a healthy, joyful human being, while an empty grace tank equates to a dysfunctional, struggling human being. This is true for both adults and children. As Christian parents, our goal is to raise kids who love Jesus; what may never have occurred to us, however, is that this begins by teaching our children how to find grace for their grace tanks. The seasons in our lives when faith is hardest to come by are those in which we’re living on an empty grace tank. In other words, it’s hardest to believe in God when we’re struggling. Sadly, I’ve noticed that many (but Key 2: Give Them Loving Limits This might be the scariest truth in parenting: our children shape their view of God based upon their view of us. How could they not? From their very first breath, you are the “big person” who provides for their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs and protects them from the harsh winds of a cold world. Does that job description sound like anyone else’s? Of course, this is what God does for all of us. If we are indeed a representation of God to our children, one particular area of responsibility is of particular importance—limits. God sets limits on all of us. He calls them reality. From him we learn that selfishness breaks down relationships, pride stops growth, and sin always has consequences. Yet God isn’t trying to teach us these lessons through force and intimidation. Instead, Romans 2:4 says that God’s kindness leads to repentance. In other words, God is graciously trying to teach us his limits. Therefore, as we represent God to our children, he directs us to do two things: set limits with our children, and do so in love. If we don’t, the picture of God we paint for our children will be misleading and thus a hindrance to their development of a lifelong faith. Over the past 20 years I’ve done lots of work with children, from camp counseling to teaching to coaching, and in every setting I’ve observed how children appear to hate limits . . . while in reality craving them. Countless times a child whom I’ve been compelled to discipline has suddenly turned into my ally. Our own children are no different from those other kids with whom we interact. It’s difficult to set limits, especially if our own grace tank is operating on low, but our kids need us to help them identify the boundaries without which children feel out of control. For a small person operating in A Publication of Christian Schools International | Spring 2014 25