a big world, this feeling can be terrifying. Yet just setting the limits isn’t enough. We must set those limits in love. Key 3: Model Genuine Faith Recently I’ve begun teaching myself to play the guitar. We Loving limits always keep us connected and invariably have also own one of those kid's guitars, and over the past seva gentle tone. When someone burns a hand, the natural eral weeks each of our kids has been taking turns strumming response is to pull it away. Likewise, when someone hurts us, away at it. They’ve even asked me to teach them to play. our natural response is to pull away. And I’ve been encouraging it all, The truth is that, although they are hoping that this will turn into a lifeThe truth is that, although small and we are big, sometimes time of guitar playing. In all facets of they are small and we are our children’s behavior hurts us. In life our kids are watching, and they big, sometimes our children’s those times it’s natural for us to want naturally try to imitate who we are to push them away, if even for a few and the things we love. Nowhere is behavior hurts us. moments. But as the primary source this more important than in the area of love and protection for our kids, our disconnecting from of our own faith. We need to show them that we truly believe them can be more than they can handle. When we set limits what we say we believe. Our lives need to model a living, with them, we must remember never to break that connection. growing relationship with Jesus, for what they see from us they will emulate. And the kind of faith we need to show them isn’t one that plays it safe. A little over three years ago I quit a well-paying job, moved my family to a new town, and tried to plant a church. From a ministry perspective the results were a disaster. There is no new church, and I’ve had a difficult time finding a way to pay the bills. However, the experience itself hasn’t been a disaster for my family; despite the difficulties, this season has shown my kids that I’m willing to live out what I believe and that I wouldn’t trade the impact this venture has had on them for anything. Not every parent needs to quit his or her job to demonstrate the significance of his or her faith. However, there is invariably that next hard choice to which God is calling us. Parents who, day after day, month after month, and year after year demonstrate a willingness to make that next hard choice for God are modeling the kind of faith their children will imitate for a lifetime. The next time you find yourself faced with a hard choice, remember not only who is watching but the kind of impact your decision to obey God might have upon your children. No one can make their children become faithful followers of Jesus, but there are things we can do to help remove the obstacles and make faith more compelling. Parenting is hard work, and amid the daily struggles to raise our children it’s easy to lose sight of the goal. But remember, the ultimate goal of the Christian parent is to raise children who love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. The above three keys constitute the place where such a lifelong, life-transforming faith gets its start. Ryan Hobbs is a licensed minister with a master’s degree in counseling, a teacher, the father of three, and the author of three books. His latest is titled Practical Grace for Parents. Tone matters. Limits spoken in anger convey a subtle message that may sound like “Shape up because I don’t like who you are.” A childhood filled with such guilt-inducing limits produces either angry, rebellious children who fight back against our limits or angry, obedient children who obey only because they fear the loss of love. Obviously, neither of these options is what God has in mind, for he is looking for a heart that obeys out of love, not fear. In contrast, limits conveyed in a gentle tone carry the message “I love you no matter what, but let me try to help you become what God intended you to be.” Angry or caustic limits don’t bear genuine fruit in the lives of our kids, but loving limits do. Even more importantly, when I set loving limits with my own children, I’m giving them an accurate picture of the way in which our heavenly Father sets limits with us. And showing them that God doesn’t set limits because he is angry with us is enormously important to helping our kids develop a lifelong faith. The second part of loving limits has to do with our tone. iStockphoto/digitalskillet 26 Christian Home & School | www.csionline.org