Time The proximity of a discipler and a mentoree deepens the potential for an effective discipling relationship. “Show me a man’s closest companions and I can make a fairly accurate guess as to what sort of man he is, as well as what sort of man he is likely to become” (Hendricks and Hendricks). Maxwell agreed when he wrote, Over time I’ve learned this meaningful lesson: The people closest to me determine my level of success or failure. The better they are, the better I am. And if I want to go to the highest level, I can do it only with the help of other people. We have to take each other higher. Stanley and Clinton claim that regularity is more important than attempting to define how much, how long, and when the discipler and mentoree spend time together. Discipling requires time and energy because of the intense nature of this relationship. “Discipleship is not a program. It is not a ministry. It is a lifelong commitment to a lifestyle” (Barna). It could take as little as 20 weeks or as long as a couple years for a discipler to help along a mentoree on the road to maturity (Bennett & Purvis, 2003). Kids learn so much from exposure to adults. Regularity of time is more important than amount of time, so try to schedule a predictable and repetitive time to meet with someone who brings out the best in your children, and be sure that those with whom they spend time (teachers, coaches, care takes) are modeling good examples. Mentoree’s Degree of Responsiveness A mentoree’s degree of responsiveness to the discipler’s teachings is a stimulator in discipling relationships. The root meaning of the word disciple is “learner” (Bennett & Purvis). Mentorees need to have a teachable heart. Children often exhibit a teachable heart, and when parents and mentors nurture these moments, relationships blossom and deep introspection can occur. Accountability “Accountability conversations do not have to be formal, but they do need to be meaningful and regular. Periodically asking, ‘How is it going?’ keeps accountability at the forefront” (Zachary). People who are attentive to your children, asking them how they are doing and really listening for an answer, have mentor potential. Shared Circumstances and/or Experiences L. J. Zachary supports the belief that shared circumstances or experiences are additional stimulators in discipling relationships. This author writes, “Life’s reservoir of experience is a primary learning resource; the life experiences of others enrich the learning process.” Many times shared circumstances and/or experiences are most natural when disciplers and mentorees have common interests and backgrounds (Stanley & Clinton, 1993). Vander Laan affirms this stimulator: Discipleship assumes that the disciple is going to end up imitating the rabbi in the same mission field as them. Therefore, I look for teachers because I am a teacher. Not that it is bad to have a disciple who is an engineer, but I would want them to have an engineer rabbi because you want to learn to practice your godly walk and your methodology in the similar kind of mission. I could not show them how to be a godly engineer because I know nothing about engineering. Great mentors for your children can be found among those who have walked alongside them through significant life experiences. A shared history can be a wonderful connecting piece. Love Reflective question for parents – Who already loves my children? Love is the final major stimulator of discipling relationships. Bennett and Purvis (2003) believe that a disciple must love the mentoree he or she desires to help. Ed Lee, director of Child Evangelism Fellowship, wrote the following about discipling relationships: “Love sees beyond present behavior and circumstances and overlooks wrongs. It is patient and longsuffering. It breaks down barriers. It provides stimulation and encouragement. It does not give up” (Adsit). Says Bennett, “Love is the most telling hallmark of an authentic Christian disciple.” Jesus Christ summarized the most important stimulator of discipling relationships when he taught, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). Those who love your children as Christ loves are mentoring candidates in your child’s life. What steps can you yourself take to be a better discipler? Ask yourself, “Who has shown interest in one or more aspects of my life?” An obvious first response to this question is A Publication of Christian Schools International | Spring 2014 31