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Christian Home & School
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High School Ed.
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www.csionline.org
My daughter Hannah
called home (Indiana) from
college (South Carolina) in January. When I casually asked
her about her plans for spring break in March, my next
chance to see her, she chattered about her friend Melissa's
family condo on Myrtle Beach and her friend Amanda's
home in Florida, exciting and great options. I nodded over
the phone as my heart sank a little. I said what awesome
friends she has. She mentioned how awfully cold Indiana is
in March.
A month later we were again on the phone when she cau-
tiously told me of her new plans for spring break: catching
a ride up north with a friend. She asked, "Do you think you
could pick me up in Ohio?" Of course we could. We would
pick her up in Alaska. But what happened to Myrtle Beach?
Well, she says, Melissa is still going, but I just wanted to
come home. My heart leaped.
As parents, it is always our job to be letting go of our kids.
We want to raise them so they can be independent, thought-
ful adults, and that doesn't happen overnight. It happens
over time, in the day to day. But really learning to let go
becomes a harsh reality when kids enter their teen years.
For us, the process of letting go began in earnest during
Hannah's junior year in high school, during which the world
opened wide and deep. Our high school counsels for college
seriously and thoroughly, revealing an exciting and expan-
sive world: north, south, east, or west; university, private or
public; big city or small college town; Christian liberal arts
college, technical school; and on and on. Ideas are eye-
opening and overwhelming.
In our house we didn't talk a lot about boundaries at that
point, although our junior did understand that college is very
expensive, scholarships are very good, and the parental
contribution has limits. Long rides in the car for visits to at-
tractive schools ten hours away seemed to say enough about
geographical distance. And when considering that long list
of potential colleges, it has been helpful to point out college
reference books that speak to issues of parental concerns
not included in the Fiske Guide to Colleges.
Senior year decisions require an increase in parental involve-
ment and guidance. The idea is to let the student make the
final decision, as she is the one who will be living it out, but
our instinct is to figure it out for her. We did spend a lot of
time researching each college, but we tried not to let our
opinions rule the college conversation. We were in on college
visits, discussions on the impression of a school, and finding
knowledgeable people to enlighten all of us on the decision
process.
A friend of ours purposefully took her college-bound kids to
visit their choice university on a prescribed Saturday morning
that followed a night of hard parties. They came upon more
than one scene of passed-out students and other leftovers
on a frat front porch or other peculiar places. That kind of
exposure led them to quickly look for a school with a more
compatible lifestyle.
At some point kids have to take ownership of their decision--
to make their own choice. (Not our will, but their decision
according to God's will.) When Hannah made her decision
on college, it felt as though another element of control was
being released and tossed away.
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B
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LAURIE STROUP